I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize