Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
