Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
