im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
