hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize