her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
