Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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