Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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