Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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