is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
