I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
