You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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