I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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