We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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