Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
