Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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