I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
