drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
