i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
