I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
