i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
