I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
