I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
