Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
