I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize