Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Boobs speak an international language.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
