Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he puts the penis in happiness.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
not ubering you a puppy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize