I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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