What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
