wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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