my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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