Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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