mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
