y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize