There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
