i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize