We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
