we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
