You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
