Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
