oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
