i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
