im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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