Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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