now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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