Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
