Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
