I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
