He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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