remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
