just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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