Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
