He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
