You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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