I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
