New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
