he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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