The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
