I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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