Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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