i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
