And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
