Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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