Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
