Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
