I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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