Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
